fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
