Dude my mom stole all your condoms
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
