Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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