I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize