so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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