So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
