Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
