I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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