The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
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