Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
