i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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