My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
