it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
