Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
