Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
