just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i came on her dog
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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