Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
