Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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