how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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