i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
this hospital has no fireball
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize