Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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