Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
operation harelip BJ is a go
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
