ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
