I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
