Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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