hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
