To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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