i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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