I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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