I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
