You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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