My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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