I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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