dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
