my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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