She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We left an ass print on the piano.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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