Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
