he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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