no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
