I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
