Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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