He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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