is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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