i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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