I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
