Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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