Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
