omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize