hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
