they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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