matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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