wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
