operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
