i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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