You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
