you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
