Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm always down for nudity.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
