dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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