Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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