watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
