i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
