I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Even my vagina gasped.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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