You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
