actually, I'm a sock model
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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