We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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