so explain again why im purple
no
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
