I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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