He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
