I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
