I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Randomize
