Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
