is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
