were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize