i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Is Oprah even human
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
