Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
