i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
