Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
