got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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